Are we there yet? Part 2

Are we there yet? Another way of saying, "Have we arrived?" Well, we all know the counseling profession - like the practice of counseling - isn't about a destination, but instead is closer to a scaffolding of levels. Today, we're talking about how you know when you've arrived at the level of readiness for professional practice, agency or private. I've scoured the archives of some of the best counselor bloggers out there to help me arrive at the right answers. Here's what I've come up with since Part 1. 

Before you have reached the level of a counseling professional, you must: 

Know how to communicate your value as a counselor to others. Many of us stumble when it comes to asserting our own value. Especially where you are now, it feels like you are barely competent sometimes. But you DO offer your clients value, and you need to know how to identify and develop that. One great way to practice demonstrating value (and attract clients in the meantime) is to start a blog. In "Ten Types of Blog Posts for Your Therapy Website," Becky DeGrossa nails the many different ways to express yourself and develop your self-confidence through blogging. 

Be comfortable with the financial compensation you earn as being commensurate with that value. This is where the process can really break down. You may be able to accept that you have value, but putting a price tag on that? Ouch. Whether it's accepting a salary or setting a private practice rate, you need to overcome "Counseling Fee Shame," as this outstanding video by Camille McDaniel demonstrates. 

Match your daydreams with reality. This may not mean what you think it means. It is important to balance the more unrealistic dreams you may have with the reality of everyday life. But it is EQUALLY important not to limit your daydreams because you think that it's not something you can accomplish. You are called at a deep level to serve others. It is okay for that to follow a non-traditional format if that's what it takes to fulfill your soul calling. In, "The Dirty Secret Behind Success," Elizabeth Doherty Thomas shares her 10 steps to real, self-actualized success. 

Do you find any of these goals intimidating? Do they feel less than possible for you? 

Why?

Part 1 was about professionalism at a surface level. In Part 2, I want to encourage you to take your thoughts on professionalism to a deeper level.

What does it mean for you, to be a counseling professional?

What limitations do you think you have as a counseling professional, and why?

How do you define success for yourself?

What is your biggest professional daydream, and do you think you will allow yourself to achieve it? Why or why not? 

Professionalism is not an event. But it can be a paradigm shift that is a turning point for the rest of your career.

I would love for you to put one of the answers to the questions above in the comment box, so as a community, we can support you in your professionalism. Would you do that right now?

Why are you qualified?

How do you know what you're doing?

"Are you married?"

"Are you a parent?"

"How old are you?"

"How long have you been doing this?"

When you're a student counselor or a counselor newbie, these questions just come at you. Most of the time, the harshest questions come from yourself.

"Are you really good enough to help them?"

"What if you hurt them?"

"Do you really know what you're doing?"

The good news is, it gets better. I was inspired to write this today because it's been so long since I struggled with those kinds of thoughts. And trust me, it's not because I don't have bouts of crazy insecurity.

It's because I know what makes me qualified. It's what makes you qualified, too.

It's because I care.

It's because I give my clients a different perspective.

Because I listen when most people would talk.

Because...all that stuff.

It's just what we do. 

 What makes YOU qualified to be a counselor? Share below! 

Who are you? Part three.

If you've been following along in this series so far, you know that many counselors, especially new counselors, struggle with SELF-CONFIDENCE. You've also found out that the secret to developing new counselor confidence is marketing. Not advertising, though that can go with it, but marketing. That's because marketing forces you to:

Identify your specific strengths.


Perfect the art of talking about your strengths.


Regularly share your strengths.

Today, let's talk about what that looks like and how you can make it happen in your life. 

First, identify your specific strengths. Remember in the last post when I shared a list of counseling skills I believed I had? This is your turn to do that. In a Facebook comment, one counselor asked if these were the kinds of characteristics one would put in an "about me" page on your website. Absolutely yes! These are the kinds of things people look for when they come to a counselor. And it leads right into my first suggestion when listing your specific strengths, which is:

• Think about explaining your talents to someone who hasn't ever heard of a counselor before. This makes you look at your strengths a whole new way, and it helps you to explain your skills in layman's terms.

When listing your skills, it's helpful to plan on taking at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted time, and writing freestyle and editing later. If you get stuck, think about:

• "What am I proud to offer in counseling that maybe other counselors don't have?" Think in terms of personal experiences, counseling skills (confrontation, listening, reflection) and communication styles. 

The second step of this journey is perfecting the art of talking about your strengths. And there is an art to it! The beginning of developing this artistic strength is identifying the skills, which most of us don't do ahead of time. After you do that, you want to practice sharing why they matter:

• Practice with a loved one or colleague. Pretend they're asking you, "Why would I send a client to you as opposed to this other counselor or no counselor at all?"

Get used to the idea of unashamedly sharing what you have to offer. You're not saying you're good at everything, you're saying what you are good at. Wouldn't you expect your clients to be as proud of their own talents? So lead by example:

• Watch out for minimizing body posture and words, like saying "sort of," hunching or shrugging your shoulders, or otherwise non-verbally counteracting your words.

Third, regularly share your strengths. Practice makes perfect! Get out there. Here's a phrase I used recently, "I can offer killer talks and articles about preparing emotionally for the transition to college." That was a big step for me! What might be a way you can step out there and share?

• Offering a "brown-bag" lunch presentation at your local school for parents or teachers.
• Writing a professional perspective article on a local or current issue. (Why Justin Beiber and every other child star seems to inevitably implode...)
• Starting a small group at your church, local civic center or community college and enlisting the staff of these places to help spread the word. 

This series, as you can probably tell, has been very personal for me, and it's something near and dear to my heart. So I wanted to do something very unique to close it out. I want to hear from YOU, what questions do you have about marketing your way to self-confidence after reading this series? Post on the blog comments, or email me if you want your name kept private (stephanie AT stephanieadamslpc.com). I will answer as many questions as I can in the next blog post. 

Once again, the question is, "What other questions do you have about marketing yourself to new counselor confidence?" In other words: "Where do you get stuck on this issue?"

Cannot WAIT to hear from you. Comment below or email me! 

Names and identities of counselors responding will be obscured unless otherwise requested. 

Who Are You? Part Two.

In the last post, I promised to tell you the secret that helps you move from self-doubt to self-confidence as a new counselor. Well, here it is, no drumroll needed.

That secret is marketing.

Marketing? I'm seriously telling you to take out a directory listing or a Facebook ad as the solution to self-confidence?

No, if I told you to do that I would be telling you to advertise. I'm telling you to market yourself, which is a completely different beast from advertising yourself.

Why?

Well, let's look at the word marketing.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/marketing

When we talk about marketing, we're not talking about selling. We're talking about making people aware of your services and their availability.

But before you can do that, you have to know - confidently - what your offerings are.

Remember when the self-esteem fad was saying affirmations in the mirror?  Now, no denigration to the idea in general, it seemed to help some people and there is research that validates the power of positive speaking, posture and thinking. But for me and the clients I seem to attract, we don't tend to respond to that.

If I simply say, "I am a great counselor" in the mirror, it will be said with a smirk and a hint of sarcasm.

Like many people, I require "proof" before I give myself that kind of credit.

This could easily sound like I'm advocating perfectionism or worth through works, so let me clarify my statement. I don't believe in giving yourself "proof" through what you do, but instead providing proof of your worth and value because of who you are.

I believe these qualities make me a good counselor:

·      I listen well.

·      I am empathetic.

·      I am good at helping people shift perspective.

·      I have a fluid grasp of language as a tool.

·      I can confront in a way that people don't feel harassed.

Several years ago I could NOT have written these qualities in a public forum. I would have felt that it was bragging and that people would think I was stuck on myself. I wouldn't have allowed myself to believe some of these things, because my belief about being a counselor was that a person had to take on a mantle of subservience. In order to effectively serve one had to lower yourself.

My definition of counseling as a profession in some ways reflecting my unhealthy view of myself - that my needs were never as valuable as someone else's.

This is getting really, uncomfortably personal for me now, but the one thing that changed that perspective professionally was learning how to market myself, so I feel it's necessary background information.

Why is marketing the key? Why am I advocating it so strongly for you today?

It's simple.

Marketing forces you to do three things necessary to develop authentic self-confidence:

Identify your specific strengths.

Perfect the art of talking about your strengths.

Regularly share your strengths.

These three things create and perpetuate counselor self-confidence.

However, knowing WHAT to do is not the same as knowing HOW to do it. Tune in next week to find out how to market yourself to new counselor confidence!

The Secret To Overcoming Counselor "Nerves"

The first time you stepped into a counseling office in the role of therapist, you probably felt nervous. Sick to your stomach, maybe. Worried.

Once you got a little time "in the saddle," so to speak, however, you probably felt more confident. You had some key phrases under your belt, had come through some rough circumstances a time or two, and thought to yourself, "Well, glad that's over with."

Except it wasn't.

Despite your experience, despite the time you've spent with clients, from time to time you still feel nervous before you meet with a client for the first time. You worry that you're going to be enough for them. You worry that you might say the wrong thing. The thing you thought you were past has come back again, and you don't know why.

You might wonder if you've lost your skills, regressed somehow, and that's why these nerves are coming back. But it's likely that the opposite occurrence has triggered a return to self-doubt. 

As we gain more skills in counseling, we also gain more awareness of the complexities of problems that are out there. When we are not focusing every ounce of our energy on not screwing up, we have mental space to consider more clearly the ramifications of our actions.

Further, we realize as we move into the next stage - collecting hours for licensure, booking new appointments at an agency, or moving into a fee-for-service model - that our very future as a counselor depends on our own ability to maintain these client relationships and produce "results." 

That's paralyzing, without a doubt.

The first round of nerves was driven by the question, "What if I screw someone up?" The second round asks, "What if I screw up this as a career?"

Whenever you move forward and court greater success, greater fear always lurks in the shadows hoping to get to you. 

Whether it is starting your first private practice, or starting over somewhere new, it is so easy to lose your confidence. You no longer know the ropes. Everything is familiar, but new.

You knew you could do it, so you tried - but now that you're in it, you wonder if you were wrong.

You're not.

Your fear has nothing to do with reality, and everything to do with a false perception of your own ability. 

Human beings tend to base their predictions of the future on their experiences of the past. Since starting something new means by definition there is no exact experience to base it on, the temptation can be to view it as an unproven quality. 

But no matter what your future, there is one thing it can be counted on to have in it - you.

Wherever you exist there is hope for success. That's just a fact.

You want to think of yourself as the problem. After all, you're the one who has "messed up" in the past. 

But you're also the one who's got yourself to this point.

You didn't give up on your dream to be a counselor because the desire to help others got you through your self-doubt in the past. It can do it again. 

Here's the bottom line: You want to escape nerves and stop worrying about your future as a counselor? Believe in yourself and your mission. You're not perfect, and you're definitely flawed, but you're persistent, and you believe in your calling. That's all that is asked of you. 

Lesson of the Day:

You only fail when you give up. Otherwise, it's not over yet. 

Have you ever linked nervousness before sessions to doubt in your own abilities? How have you dealt with that? 

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